I’ll never forget the time you told me
seeing me
was a good enough reason to get out of bed
I’m not sure if you even remember it
but I do.
It’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever told me
Sincerely
I have to stop pretending like what we had was even something.
It was a joke.
It was a falsity.
It was make believe.
It was all in my head.
Wasn’t it?
It still hurts
Everyday.
And having our eyes collide like they did after so long of carefully crafted avoidance
Was too hard.
I could feel the knife slip in, wedge it’s way between the vital organs and just sit in the viscera
For a whole second there was just shock.
Nothing before everything
Sharp, hollow notes of pain bouncing off a tin roof shelter put up as a shaky first line of defense
We pitter-pattered in light conversation, I aching as your steel blue gaze cut through my center
Why couldn’t you just let me be?
I miss you so much
More than I thought I could
If I could go back and change it, I would never have done any of it
I don’t want a taste
If I could, I would take it all back.
Let my mind be spotless
How are you twenty nine years old and still have not grown a set of balls?
Come, live in my heart, and pay no rent.
